The Nightmare - Post Scene to The Silo
by Mulderette
Summary: Deeks is caught up in his worst nightmare. *Contains spoilers through the Season Nine episode, "The Silo."


_Just a little something I needed to write after last night's episode. I know I'm not a Densi writer, so I'm nervous to even post this, but the episode really got to me. Anyhow, hope you like it._

xxxxx

Sleep seemed elusive to both of them. Although the day had been physically exhausting, it was their minds that just kept going, trying to process all that had happened, but not really succeeding. Finally, after what seemed like hours, Kensi drifted off in Deeks' arms, which gave him the opportunity to watch her unabashedly. Every time he thought of just how close he had come to losing her, he felt like his heart was just going to stop. As hard as his day had been, he knew hers had been worse. She had put her life on the line and had come through triumphantly, but the 'what ifs' were getting to him. He couldn't get the thoughts out of his mind…What if Kensi had died? What if he'd never gotten to hold her in his arms again?

He hadn't been lying when he'd said he could never go through what Sam had. Just the thought of it tore him up inside. The day they had lost Sam's wife still weighed heavily on his mind. He thought about it at least once a day. He didn't talk about it though, not to Sam…not even to Kensi...but he still had guilt over what had happened. He didn't bring it up to Kensi just because of that…the guilt. He knew she had it too and he didn't want to bring the memories back to the forefront for her, just in case she had been able to move past them, even a little bit.

Michelle had been killed and Sam was the one who had been left behind. For Deeks, that was his worst nightmare. Tightening his grip on Kensi just a little bit more, he finally fell into an uneasy and restless sleep.

xxxxx

 _After Kensi's phone call, Deeks repeatedly tried to call her back. "Pick up the phone, baby," he pleaded. "Please, please pick up the phone." He'd wandered around the mission, clutching his cell phone like a lifeline, waiting for the call that would tell him that everything was okay, that Kensi was okay. Eventually, he ended up in the gym where he started to aimlessly shoot hoops. He was totally off his game and most of the shots resulted in the basketball either clanging off the rim or total air balls which missed the hoop and the rim altogether._

 _The sound of a throat being cleared made him stop and turn around as the ball bounced a couple of times and then rolled away. Callen and Sam were standing there, looking at him with emotion and sympathy in their eyes. Immediately, he knew he wanted no part of what they were about to say. "I…I'm done," he said, his blue eyes already beginning to fill. "You…you guys can have the court…" He then began to walk away._

 _"Deeks."_

 _It was Sam who spoke and Deeks shook his head. "I…I've really got to go. I'm going home to make Kensi a nice dinner. I want to apologize for what happened between us. So stupid…fighting over grilled cheese. I mean really? What a ridiculous thing. I…I wonder what she'd like. Seafood maybe? Or just something simple, maybe just a sandwich or a salad. She…she's had a really rough day. Maybe she won't even be hungry…maybe a relaxing soak in the tub…yeah, I think that might be good, that and a nice glass of wine."_

 _"Deeks," Sam spoke again and Deeks finally turned to look at him. Callen had looked away and taken a few steps off to the side._

 _"I really don't want to hear it, Sam," Deeks said, his voice catching. "Please don't say it…"_

 _Sam came over to him then, his steps slow and steady, his face broadcasting the grief he was obviously feeling. "I'm so sorry," he said, placing his hand on Deeks' shoulder. "She was a hero, Deeks…a true hero."_

 _"No." Deeks shook his head as he tried to pull away, but Sam held onto him. "It's not true." He turned to Callen who was staring down at the gym floor. "Tell him, Callen," he begged. "Tell him she's all right." He didn't want her to be a hero. He wanted her to be his wife…that was all he'd ever wanted, all he'd ever wished for. Now they were telling him it was over? In the blink of an eye he had lost everything? It wasn't true. It couldn't be true._

 _Callen looked up then, as two tears slowly trickled down his cheeks. "I…I'm sorry, Deeks," he said tremulously. "You have no idea how much I wish I could. Just know that she loved you, Deeks. She loved you more than anything in this world."_

 _Deeks finally managed to break away from Sam and started to leave the gym, practically running as he did so. "You're wrong!" he shouted at them as he made his way towards the exit. "She's fine! She's okay. You'll see! She's not dead. Kensi is fine!"_

xxxx

"She's fine! She's not dead! She's fine!"

"Deeks! Deeks baby, wake up, please," Kensi wrapped her arms around her distraught fiancé as she tried to bring him out of the grips of the nightmare. "Come on, baby. I'm here. I'm right here with you. Everything is okay."

"I… what…Kensi?" Deeks' tear-filled eyes finally opened and he stared back at her, looking extremely upset and confused. "You…you're alive? You're okay?" She was right there with him, but he was afraid to believe that it was true.

"Yes, yes, baby I'm okay. I'm fine." Kensi brushed the hair back from his face with her fingers, then placed a kiss on his cheek and another on his lips. "I promise, I'm okay, Deeks." She could feel him trembling and she pulled him closer and gently rubbed circles on his back. "I'm sorry… I'm so sorry to have scared you so much, but everything's okay now…we're okay."

Deeks clutched her tightly, not wanting to ever let her go. He knew there were things they needed to talk about, decisions to be made, but for now, the reality of the nightmare had been averted. For now, Kensi was safe, and in his arms, and that was the only thing in the world that mattered.


End file.
